Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Make an Ass Out of U and Me? How About Just U.

Once upon a time, certain of my immediate family members all up and moved to Louisiana.  Raising me in four walls of codependency, I planned one pre-move vacation to see if Louisiana was "for me", knowing very well I was packing my crap and heading to the (quite literally) Dirty South.  This was one day post-Katrina.  I may well have been the only Destination Vacation girl in the Baton Rouge Airport. 
A tree falls in the hood...ok, well, in the sub-division.
This is why you buy Gap Insurance.

I moved to Gonzales on my mom's birthday (nothing says, free, cheap present like showing up.  I also do Bar Mitzvahs.)  This was the beginning of November 2005.  I started work in January 2006.  I promptly filed my federal and Maine state taxes like a good, Government-fearing girl. 
I moved from Gonzales on Memorial Day Weekend (I finally figured out how to use my ruby slippers and clicked the hell outta there.)  This was 2006.  I resumed my Maine life:  same job, same apartment, same ballooning weight problem. 

With the ringing in of 2007, I gathered together my paperwork to file federal, Maine state AND Louisiana state taxes. 

And now, to this year.  The state of Louisiana sends me a bill.  For taxes.  For year 2005.  I like to call them Assumption Taxes.  They assumptin' I owe them money for 2005.  But if we look to my series of unfortunate events that brought me to and from Louisiana, we see that I didn't work in 2005.  Not one day did I smock up for Leader's Fried Chicken or Cigs-N-Suds.  It's hilarious!  I can't believe more states aren't trying this.  I bet they get more people writing them checks just to be rid of the hassle.  But not me.  I eat hassle for breakfast.  With a smear of jalapeno cream cheese, if they're serving it.  Miss Faye is very nice and I'm allowed to do all of this very important back and forthing via email (or fax) and I will give her my new mailing address, in hopes of getting a t-shirt that says:  "I Survived Katrina...and Trying To Pay Taxes In Louisiana."

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