Pretend You're My Therapist

It goes like this:  I ended my long and complicated relationship with the company I worked for and moved in to a private, for-profit job (no one likes profit more than me, my friend) which gave me almost two weeks off for Christmas (and Hanukkah) after only working there two weeks.  This time off has also coincided with Beloved's regularly scheduled week-off-per-month. This is the second time this year that we've been able to have dedicated time off together.  In this time, we've managed to have a fantastic Christmas (I'm proud to say my blog garnered me a fabulous vacuum, but sadly, no nose-hair trimmer) and we were able to unload the ol PT Cruiser in favor of a vehicle that won't ensure my untimely end. 
What we haven't been able to do is find internet service.  Every single company I've called does not provide service to our area.  We live on the main road.  Spitting distance from the town line into Eddington.  Eddington has service.  All of my Clifton jokes are coming back to haunt me.  It's like living in the third world.  I have started sending out "$3 a day can provide all the luxury essentials this girl would need" to friends and relatives (look for yours soon...or provide me with your email address if you'd prefer to do a Paypal transfer.)
As for the wedding front, we've secured a reception site.  It wasn't without tears (me) and F-bombs (Beloved), but we took the first place that didn't make me want to punch someone.  If you're going to show off and try to entice me to have "the most memorable day of my life" in your location, please clean the effing carpets.  And know where the light switches are.  And take down the ramshackle Christmas decorations.  And take my body size into consideration.  I come from big people.  There is no way we would fit into the room you so confidently feel will hold over 100 people.  And no one will dance on a 3x3 dance floor.  My personal space is larger than that.  Next up is trying to secure DJ, photographer, and a wedding dress.  I'd be a cash-cow for a show on TLC if they only knew enough to film me.  Mad props to Beloved for jumping into the helping with both feet.  He still doesn't feel like we're under any time crunch...he's just happy he doesn't have to wear a tuxedo and that no one will make him do the Electric Slide.

Things I'm Doing At The Moment: A List

• feeling excited for wedding planning (had to post it publicly)
• having a '40's dance party in the front office, alone
• visioning a blog for my new employer called "Notes From the Gumline"
• ordering lunch for our worker bees (I'm getting what I like to call "meat cinnamon rolls" (cause that's what they look like))
• using all methods of restraint to not order Beloved more Christmas presents, even though he is wonderful and patient and blows me kisses and wears the good smelling man cologne* to put me in a better mood (I think it's what klonopin smells like) and changes my windshield wipers and makes the bad engine light disappear and generally maintains the Evil Beast (that would be the car, not me, though at times we might be twins)
• dreading my hours at the second job (please play roulette and try to call to get me!  I'll take your order!!) 
• sending out straggler Christmas cards, picked out by Beloved (a message on the inside of one says "you'll feel better if you give me more presents" (my interpretation) so I sent that one to my parents)

What are you doing at the moment?

*They make a cologne called Woods.  This is not the cologne Beloved has (he has Fierce.)  But I think it's HILARIOUS that the men who fit the profile to shop at A&F would buy something that would make them smell outdoorsy.  Because obviously it's not in their nature to actually go into the woods.  They'd be more likely to go Into The Woods.

There Are No Bad Gifts (Besides Backgammon)

My intention was to post about our Charlie Brown Christmas tree.  But, alas and alack, my camera and computer are fighting.  As soon as I can get to a computer that's as loose as the female celebrities my age, I'll make that post happen, complete with pictures.  Until then, here's some thoughtful insight on gift-giving.  To me.

***

MSN published an article citing eight bad gifts to give, along with their reasoning.  I'm here to refute that and tell you why you could give me all eight of these gifts (and my mailing address, if you aren't able to see me in person to deliver.)

1.  An appliance.  I am a new homeowner.  I can think of three appliances I would replace this instant, gift-given or otherwise.  Our dryer is squeaky, though it dries clothes like that's its function.  The washing machine takes so long that I could probably beat the dirty clothes on a washboard down by the crick in less time.  And my vacuum spits the dirt back. At. me.  I would not pout if I unwrapped a Dyson.  I would plug her in and start vacuuming up the styrofoam bits that surely piled up by ripping open the packaging.
2.  The partial gift.  They reference Sirius XM.  Oh, how I would love this.  I would pay the fee for monthly service.  My boss lets me use his account (5 days and you get it back, boss) and I'm addicted to the Broadway channel.  If you see IV drug users humming songs from Annie, it's because of me.  AND THEY HAVE A NEIL DIAMOND CHANNEL.  I do believe I read somewhere that Neil Diamond makes for a happy marriage.  At the very least, he disclosed at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that he's engaged.
3.  A nose-hair trimmer.  Granted, this is not something I would give, but I would take it!  Beloved has no known nose-hair issue.  But eventually, when he's 80, I'm sure he will (all the cute lil old men do.)  So I'd be prepared (take that, lame Girl Scout troop I dropped out of!)  Plus, I have totally plucked unruly nose-hairs from my own sniffer, and it killed!  I'd much rather take a machine to them.  Don't get me started on the chin-hairs...
4.  The 'improving' gift.  Ok, I can be a Judy Moody and take things to heart (just ask anyone who has spoken to me) so if I received any sort of non-cookbook 'improving' book, I'd double dose some Xanax.  But otherwise, I'm a cookbook junkie with a built-in taking up a quarter of my kitchen for just such gifts!
5.  The gift of exercise.  I was a heavy child.  I was the heaviest adult.  I'm now a less-heavy adult.  I have been gifted exercise often (hello, Exerslide) and it's always been welcomed.  It has even been talked about this year, as my Mom and I have developed a co-dependent relationship with each other and the gym.
6.  A puppy.  Last year I was given a puppy.  It ran on batteries and scared the hell out of me (watch for a future post of my irrational fears) and we named it Shitlet because it was a tiny Shitzu.  So furry friends of the AA variety would totally be appropriate.  But if the Duracell pet you give me talks, know for sure I will make you euthanize it.
7.  The generic gift.  When the thought doesn't count?  I want it.  That probably sounds a little hoarderish of me, but a gift is a gift.  And generic gifts re-gift fantastically!  I'm planning to have a re-gifting party once the dust settles in late January or early February.
8.  The misleading box.  My trust issues probably stem from the misleading box.  We take nothing at face value in my family (in regards to gifts and people.)  My mother suggested that my father bring home an air compressor box for me to contain one of Beloved's Christmas presents.  Since he really really really wants an air compressor, I thought it would be cruel to wrap my equally awesome present in that box.  I have a heart, however small and black it may be.

So, may all your days be merry and bright and all that.  And know that my preference for gift wrap is pink with lots and lots of bows, but I'm not above gifts wrapped in newspaper, paper bags, old boxed wine boxes and the like. 

I'm Thanktastic

Holidays are a good bookmark of time.  Last Thanksgiving, we were at my parent's house, celebrating the first Thanksgiving in the new addition of their house.  It was the first Thanksgiving without my grandmother.  This year will be the first Thanksgiving without my grandfather (her husband).  This will be Baby Jonah's first Thanksgiving.  The subtractions and additions to our life don't stop.  For that, we can be thankful.

***

Beloved has been voted into the Union.  That sentence sounds a little like he's the state of New Hampshire pre-Civil War, but I've been assured this is a good thing.  But it feels a little mafia-ish to me.

Picture these guys wearing Carhartts and driving pickups and it might be Beloved's Operator crew

Now, every time I've ever seen The Sopranos, it's been all stripper poles and curse words.  Will there be piles of cocaine and nighttime body drops in my future?  Hopefully no more than usual.  But for this secure job, this opportunity to work (and to work overtime when the Bat Signal is put out there), we can be thankful. (I'm also secretly hoping this job comes with me getting a super mafia accent and the right to stay home all day and cook for my unthankful, mafioso family.)

***

Our house has been nothing short of amazing for us.  The oddity of an upstairs kitchen:

I have it decorated differently.  But can you see why I fell in love with it?

The fantastic window seats in the kitchen, living room, and upstairs bedroom.  The pool.  The pellet stove:

Again, it looks different now that it's ours.  I don't even have a Kane.  But you can see the pool through the windows.  Deuces!

And Beloved would have me mention the biggest garage in Clifton.  

He will be in there in the dead of winter.  Because it's his.

Man-cave extraordinaire. Buying that little piece of heaven was hell.  But worth it.  And for all the lawn raking-induced blisters, the gray paint under the fingernails, the mouse traps working effectively, the hot meals, the old-school Nintendo games played at night, the quietness of the locale we picked, we can be thankful.

The Recipe For Keeping Warm

This isn't my kitchen...allegedly

I'm not normally a drinker of hard liquor.  I have relatives for that.  But, I do love supporting local businesses, and if something is supposed to taste like cake, I'm pretty much gonna go for it.  How has someone not come up with cake-flavored vitamins?  Cake-flavored anti-depressants?  Cake-flavored celery?  I'm just saying...
Back to topic, then:  Pinnacle is from Lewiston.  While I wouldn't normally support anything from such a scary-sounding place, they make whipped cream flavored vodka.  And they make rebate forms.  And the IGA has lowered their prices on said whipped cream hangovers.  I got a vodka sized bottle of whipped, and it came with a travel-size portion of Cake flavored.  All in all, with rebate form, it cost 6$.  I'm a cheap drunk*, in the best way. 
Now, if the cost of heating oil makes you want to day drink, here is my suggested nighttime drink:

1-2 oz Pinnacle whipped (I used 3/4 oz, because, again, I'm not a hard liquor drinker and I don't know what the appropriate amount of hard liquor per serving is...if you drink as a daytime job, it's probably more than 3/4 oz)
Mug full of milk (I used skim...if you're going whole hog (and, really, why wouldn't you?  You can just work it off on Monday), use a higher fat milk)
Dark Chocolate hot cocoa mix

Heat the mug of milk in the microwave for 1.5-2 minutes (unless you have the world's oldest microwave, like Beloved's parents do (he heated their dog's METAL dish without any fiery repercussions!!), or until your milk is hot.)  Add the vodka, then the cocoa mix.  Stir, don't drive, and enjoy!


*All talk of day drinking and whatnotery is clearly me being humorous.  I don't have a drinking problem.  I don't have a vodka mustache.  My stomach is too tiny to support all the joke drinking I do.  Don't be worried.  Don't call the AA.  Oh, quick story:  Beloved's uncle wanted to name our house the AA Ranch, but with us being homebrewers, I thought it implied something else, and we're on the hunt for a different name for the property...

Sites To Visit When You're Bored

Facebook so doesn't cut the cake anymore.  Or rip open the candy wrapper.  Or whatever other food (analogy?  euphemism?  jobby?) you choose to use. 
So I wanted to list some other sites I check out to pass the time.  I'm not saying what time I'm trying to pass, because there are people who read this who also control my paychecks.  So let's wink wink nudge nudge and just proceed to my list:
Blog--make one; at the very least, read mine.  And tell people about mine.
Suri's Burn Book--good gracious, this is funny.  Suri Cruise's fake perspective on other celebrity children.
The Pioneer Woman--I don't have the cable so I don't see her show, but I love her website...great recipes, she's a fantastically funny writer, and she has giveaway contests.  When I have enough followers, I'll totally start giving away fun stuff.
Hip2Save--Do you coupon?  Shop online?  Like deals and giveaways?  GO HERE!
Jennsylvania--Again, fantastic writer.  So funny.  Read her books.  Follow her blog.  Her post on Twilight had me crying with laughter. 
GoodReads--good way to find new books, share reads with friends (find me there!), and track what you're currently reading and have read.
LL Bean--Daily Markdown.  No reason you shouldn't be checking that out.  I'm not saying it because it's my 2nd job.
Realtor--I'm my mother's daughter.  That means I'm nosy, people, and I want to see the insides of the homes for sale in a 30 mile radius.  And I will judge your shag carpeting and paint choices.
Xmradio--Everyone should be as lucky as I am to have a boss who allows their account to be high-hoseyed by the human answering machine so she can listen to/belt out Broadway showtunes while IV drug users look on in fear.

Those are a smattering.  Really?  That's my day in chronological order.  Don't believe me?  Check my IE History.  But not you, Boss.  Because you're working, and I'm working, and everyone is just working.  The end.

Crockpot Beer BBQ Pulled Chicken and Broccoli Cheese Soup

Yesterday was a cookin' day.  Beloved was up, up and away at work, which left me to alternate between intense Kindle reading and cookin'.  Both of these recipes were taken from the Tasty Kitchen website.  If you aren't already getting recipes from there, I give you permission to go there now, but make sure you come right back!

Both recipes turned out great!  We had the Broccoli Cheese Soup for dinner last night, but neither of us could help but sample the chicken, which we'll be having tonight when Beloved's sister comes over for dinner.  Let's start with the chicken:



Mine looks way saucier than this...but would you expect anything less of me?



3 lbs chicken breasts

1 Tbsp onion powder

1 tsp garlic powder

1 Tbsp smoked paprika

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

8 oz beer

32 oz barbeque sauce

Ok.  Right out the bat, I didn't have onion powder or smoked paprika.  I shook some garlic powder, regular old paprika, salt, pepper, and some red pepper flakes on my chicken.  So I say:  season how you please!  Put the seasoned chicken breasts into your slow cooker.  Crack open the beer (I used a brown ale Homebrew) and pour over the chicken.  I think the glass beer bottles hold 16 oz?  That's how much I used.  It was barely early enough to start drinking, so I figured I'd let the chicken have all the fun.  After that, squeeze the barbeque sauce into the chicken hottub.  I used Sweet Baby Ray's.  The original recipe advised against using a thicker barbeque sauce unless you up the liquid (beer, or ginger ale, or broth, even!) to prevent burning and whatnot.  I used 28 oz bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's and it was fine.  Set the cooker to low and cook for 8 hours (mine was ready in about 7) and then shred the chicken.  Done!  We'll be having ours tonight on Bangor Rye rolls along with Broccoli Slaw. 

On to the soup:

Mine wasn't this green, but I didn't do what they said.  And I'm ok with that...

2 Tbsp butter

2 Tbsp finely chopped onion

2 Tbsp flour

2 cups beef broth or boullion

3 cups whole milk

1 cup heavy cream

1 1/2 cups shredded extra sharp white cheddar

1 1/2 cups shredded extra sharp yellow cheddar

4 cups steamed broccoli, pulsed into meal

In a heavy stockpot (I used my Dutch oven, made by Martha Stewart exclusively for me while she was serving time...) melt the butter.  Add the chopped onion (if you measure this, so help me...just cut off a bit of onion, chop it fine, and throw it in, ok??) and cook until it's soft.  Or until you're ready to move on.  Add the flour and cook for 3 minutes, stirring.  It's gonna get brown.  It's ok.  Add the broth and milks alternately, making sure you stir, until it's all combined.  Bring to a boil.  Mine took a while.  Not a huge deal.  Just stir and, if you're like me, chop the broccoli.  I bought a bag of frozen broccoli and just let it thaw on the sideboard.  Then I used my food chopper and chopped it down.  Not into meal, but just into wee bits.  Once your base is boiling, add the broccoli and cheese and stir until the cheese melts.  Salt and pepper as you wish.  I turned it down to low once the cheese was melted and it thickens up.  We had this with cheese bread, and it was really nice. 

Both of these recipes got the Beloved seal of approval, which is what I most care about.  Try them.  They're easy!!!